The Words We Use DO Make a Difference

As a child I was told to clean my room, do my chores, don’t leave dishes in the sink, and a myriad of other orders that trickled down the ranks from parent to child.  No explanation of their importance, only the wrath of hell to pay for not obeying the rules.  Could this be the reason I was such a defiant child?  In a nutshell, yes.

When we are told no, our natural instinct is to protect our freedoms and breakaway in defiance.  It’s called reactance theory.  According to Wikipedia, reactance is “the unpleasant motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules or regulations that threaten or eliminate behavioral freedoms.”  In other words, if we are told NO, our initial reaction is to do exactly OPPOSITE of what we are told to do.  Tell a child “don’t touch that,” and seconds later you find the child touching the exact object he was told to avoid. 

Knowing this, are diets any different?  I would be remiss not to mention the most popular New Year’s Resolution of weight loss in my first blog post of 2021.  January births millions of health gurus, professing THEIR way is the best way to lose weight.  We are bombarded with rules and regulations that sound something like this:

·       Don’t eat sugar.

·       Don’t eat white flour.

·       Don’t eat after 6PM.

·       Only eat from 2PM to 6PM.

·       Don’t drink alcohol.

·       Only eat protein and vegetables.

·       Don’t eat processed foods.

·       Only eat one meal a day.

·       You must workout 6 days a week.

·       Don’t miss a Monday workout. 

·       Don’t lift weights.

·       Only do cardio.

Are you starting to understand why this language may not be the most effective in evoking change?  Feelings of shame, guilt, and defiance are more likely the norm than feelings of empowerment.  At Marino’s Fitness, we use different language to help clients initiate change.  Our focus is using words that encourage compliance, create sustainability and attainability.

·       Try to include a protein at every meal.

·       Decide which foods have the highest ROI: return on your pleasure investment.

·       Look for foods with ingredients you can pronounce.

·       Identify movement you enjoy and do so for a minimum of 20 minutes a day.

·       Aim for 12 strength training sessions a month.

·       It’s okay to miss a Monday workout.

·       Choose one action item a month that will help you achieve your goals.

·       Successfully complete one task at a time.

·       Focus on foods that make you feel good.

·       Schedule your self-care for one hour a day.

·       Determine if your choices are helping you or hindering you from achieving your goals.

Does this language sound more inviting?  Clients often report these action steps are more “doable” and less restrictive.  Our goal is for clients to drive their own choices and make decisions based on what will work for them.  We simply present options grounded in science.  

So the next time someone barks an order at you, be the defiant child and simply say NO!